weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
