Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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