I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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