i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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