hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
