We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
soo... how was my night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
