I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize