i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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