How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
