Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
