i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
