Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
