I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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