Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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