I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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