mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
