Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think people are normalizing furries
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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