it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
