There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
