She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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