You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
