I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
