She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize