we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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