Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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