I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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