Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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