I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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