Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Pooping to opera.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
