smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
