what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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