belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
