You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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