Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
