who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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