it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
