hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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