my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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