but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
