Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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