it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
