Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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