i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
