Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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