I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
