even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
