I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
