I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
