Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
