Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
