I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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