Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
