dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
