He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You may now shotgun with the bride
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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