I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
