can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
