he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
