So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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