Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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