I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
