I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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