Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just tell him i said nine months
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
