so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
