I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
