Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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