my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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