you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i barfeds in our rink
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
