meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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