I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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