I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
