You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
