i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
