I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Found your dick twin last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize