Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I believe in your delicious
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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