why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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