He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
