if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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